EXHIBIT 3376
by Heartwings
Summary: Janeway loses her PADD on an alien planet bet she wishes it didn't contain such personal messages!


Story: Exhibit 3376

Rated: PG 13 for language and suggested sexual situations, however no

graphic descriptions of sex or violence.

Author: Heartwings

Feedback Appreciated at: 14,660 words.

This is a J/C story that takes place somewhere in the latter part of their voyage. I struggled with reckoning the stardates and finally decided upon using the same stardate for all the entries on a given calendar day. I know this is technically incorrect, but it was a lot easier for me and less confusing for the reader as, with "correct" star dates, it was not clear that all entries were for a given calendar day. Live with it!

**EXHIBIT 3376**

**BA'THA MINAGA VI INSTITUTE OF CULTURAL ANTHROPOLOGY**

This alien device was found in some tall matted grass on Ba'Tha Minaga III, one of our uninhabited study planets. The species that left it is unknown, it was found near the primary lake in an area our cultural anthropologists think the aliens used for some sort of ritual for the consumption of food and a mating or nesting behavior. A black cloth device with handles and compartments for carrying two round objects was also found nearby, we believe this device was meant to transport food items, however the only markings present were "Victoria's Secret 32B" and we have been unable to decipher their meaning. It has been sent to the Ministry of Agricultural Anthropology for further study. The electronic device contains what appears to be a collection of crudely encrypted personal messages and memories of one named "Janeway", however these aliens obviously have identity issues as they use multiple names for the same individuals. The aliens do appear to be intelligent and they are apparently traveling in a ship towards their home. They did harvest food from the planet, but left it otherwise undisturbed. Since they have been reduced to eating leola roots, which are of course only used to feed livestock, the aliens may have peculiar eating habits or just be desperate. The Janeway seems to be involved in a mating ritual with the Chakotay, although their behavior is so bizarre we cannot begin to understand this culture. They do seem quite peaceful, so we wish them well on their journey. Please watch the device and read the messages as they scroll past.

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.4

Time: 09:06

To: All Crew

From: Janeway, Capt. K.

A suggestion box has been placed outside of the main recreation hall. I shall personally review all suggestions every Saturday and implement any which seem appropriate. It is my hope that this will give all of you an input into ship's operations and boost morale. Thank you for your cooperation.

Captain K. Janeway

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.4

Time: 09:23

To: Chakotay

From: Janeway

Good morning!

Sorry I didn't get a chance to talk to you after the staff meeting, you know how Neelix can be when he gets you roped and he's on one about something! What do you think about his idea of a toga party? The last thing I want to see is the crew wrapped in their bed sheets LOL! I bet it was Tom's idea and he put Neelix up to it.

I'll be on the bridge all morning and I guess you'll be stuck down in the shuttle bay, but such is life on a starship. I think I'll skip lunch in the mess hall, I am always leery when the word "surprise" is included in the name of the main course.

See you later?

KJ

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.4

Time: 11:09

To: Janeway

From: Chakotay

I'm with you about lunch, mess hall surprises are seldom pleasant. I'm just going to eat repli-crap down here, I want to get finished as soon as I can- things are not going well. I won't bore you w/ the details, you'll have to read them in my report anyhow.

Do you have any holodeck time? I don't, but I'm getting bored, let's do something!

Chakotay

PERSONAL NOTES

Check on holodeck time- someone must own me some!

Remind B'Elanna to assign someone to fix ventilation in kitchen-probably just Neelix's cooking, but fire alarm keeps going off.

Do laundry

Read at least half of that stack of reports from Tuvok!

Feeling a little itchy- find some powder or something, skip gym today.

Remind C to do some surprise inspections of quarters this week, hasn't done them in ages.

Pick up more vitamins from sickbay

Water plants, clean up coffee cups-where do they all come from?

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.4

Time: 18:42

To: Chakotay

From: Janeway, K.

What a day, are you ever getting out of that shuttle bay? I'd stop by, but I am afraid you'd put me to work! If you go to the mess hall, do not eat the yellow lumpy stuff on the big blue platter, I don't know what it is, but, trust me, it tastes awful! The brown gooey stuff next to it isn't great either. I'm still hungry, do you have anything? I'm going to take a hot bath and go thru a stack of reports, pls stop by if you can- miss you!

J

KJ

PS- Sorry, don't have any holodeck time!

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.4

Time: 18:51

To: K. Janeway

From: Chakotay

Hi Kathryn,

Thanks for the warnings, I won't make it to the mess hall, guess I got lucky? I should be out of here in no more than an hour. I'll stop by, I have some of those spotted fruits, whatever they're called, and I have some crackers-- dig out your peanut butter if you still have any. I'll help you with your reports and maybe we can play a game or two of chess when we get done. I have some other ideas too, but I'll save them for later!

C

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.5

Time: 08:33

To: Janeway, Capt. K.

From: Chakotay, Cdr.

I took a look at your suggestion box this morning and it is already filled and an empty cargo container, also almost full, has been placed beside it. The pencil is missing again. You might want to consider either providing a larger box or emptying it more often. I can't find my pepper mill, did I leave it in your quarters night before last? Is your rash any better?

Chakotay

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.5

Time: 08:42

To: Vorik, Ens.

From: Janeway, Capt. K.

Please construct a larger suggestion box and place it outside the recreation hall. The pencil has been repeatedly stolen, please use something stronger than string to attach it this time. Thank you.

K. Janeway

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.5

Time: 08:43

To: All crew

From: Janeway, Capt. K

The suggestion box is not to be used for suggestions regarding the mess hall, please address all comments about the food and mess hall operations to Mr. Neelix directly.

Captain K. Janeway

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.5

Time: 08:54

To: Chakotay

From: Janeway, K.

Rash-no

Pepper mill-yes

Vorik- bigger box.

You- hugs

KJ

PERSONAL LOG

I am not so sure the suggestion box was such a good idea, it was stuffed with hundreds of complaints about the food, some X rated ideas about "social" activities and a couple lame brained ideas of how to get home faster. The suggestion of streamlining the maintenance duty roster rotation was a good one, I will talk to B'Elanna about it. The suggestion about "casual Fridays" goes right out the nearest airlock!

Notes to self:

Forward all mess hall complaints to Neelix

Return Chakotay's pepper mill

Call maintenance about the slow running toilet in my bathroom

Replicate something for this damned rash!

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.6

Time: 07:49

To: Janeway, Capt. K.

From: Tuvok, Lt. Cdr.

Re: Probable EMH Malfunction

Captain,

I visited sick bay this morning to seek treatment for a small blister on my foot and I was subjected to a rather extensive and invasive physical examination of a personal nature which I do not feel was required. Furthermore, the Doctor seemed to enjoy it, almost sadistically so. I suspect there may be a malfunction in the Doctor's program.

Tuvok

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.6

Time: 08:01

To: Janeway, Captain. K.

From: Clemmons, Crewman B.

Captain Janeway,

I think there is something wrong with the EMH's program, he doesn't usually laugh like that.

Respectfully,

B. Clemmons, Environmental Systems

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.6

Time: 08:22

To: Janeway, Capt. K.

From: Chakotay, Cdr.

Good morning!

I just stopped by sick bay and picked up your vitamins for you and you would not believe what I had to go thru to get them, the Doc had no reason to do that! You own me big time, sweetie!

I think (hope) there must be something wrong with the Doc, you might want to have Seven check it out. I'll be in Engineering all morning, see you at lunch?

Have a good day!

C

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.6

Time: 08:32

To: Seven of Nine

From: Janeway, Capt. K.

Seven,

Apparently there is some sort of malfunction with the EMH program. Could you please check it out ASAP and report back to me?

Thank you,

K. Janeway

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.6

Time: 10:27

To: Janeway, Capt. K.

From: Seven of Nine

Captain:

I have run a full diagnostic on the EMH and did find that there had been an unauthorized subroutine added to the Doctor's program. Although it was well encrypted, I was able to determine that Mr. Paris made the modification late last night. I have upgraded the security protocols required for making alterations to the EMH program and forwarded the new codes to Mr. Tuvok for distribution to authorized personnel. The unauthorized "Doctor Demento's deep rectal probe" subroutine has been deleted.

Seven of Nine

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.6

Time:11:14

To: Chakotay, Cdr.

Clemmons, Crewman B.

Tuvok, Lt. Cdr.

From: Janeway, Capt. K.

Re: EMH malfunction

Thank you for bringing this matter to my attention, the malfunction has been found and corrected.

Capt. K. Janeway

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.6

Time: 11:19

To: Chakotay

From: Janeway

FYI- Tom Paris is the one who altered the Doc's program, I trust you will deal with it appropriately? Boy am I glad I didn't go to sickbay this morning to have him take a look at this damned rash! Sorry about what you had to go thru because I was too lazy to pick up my vitamins myself, I'll make it up to you, I promise J

Good to know your colon is healthy!

Are we still on for lunch?

KJ

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.6

Time:11:44

To: Paris, Lt. Thomas Eugene

From: Chakotay, Cdr. - Executive Officer

CC: Janeway, Capt. Kathryn

EMH, Chief Medical Officer

Re: Disciplinary Action

Lt. Paris:

It has come to my attention that you made an unauthorized modification to the EMH program. You are hereby placed on report, this incident will be logged in your permanent file.

Effective immediately:

Holodeck privileges are suspended for a period of thirty days.

Replicator rations are suspended for a period of thirty days.

Use of all recreational facilities is suspended for thirty days.

After each scheduled duty shift for the next thirty days you will report to the on duty Maintenance Chief for two additional duty hours of custodial work.

Failure to comply with any of the above will result in further disciplinary action.

Commander Chakotay, Executive Officer

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.6

Time:11:55

To: Chakotay

From: Janeway

Damn, you were hard on Paris! I am headed to the mess hall, can you get away for lunch?

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.6

Time: 11.58

To: Janeway, K.

From: Chakotay

Trying, I can't leave until B'E gets back, said she would be back by noon. Your vitamins are in my office on my desk & so is a stack of reports for you- will bring them by later if you can't pick them up. If I get there late, pls save me some pudding.

You think I was hard on Tom??? It was nothing compared to what the Doc did to me (just so I could get YOUR fing vitamins my dear!) and, if you had gone to sickbay, I know Tom would be getting worse than what I gave him LOL! Remember, you owe me!

C

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.6

Time: 14:00

To: All Crew

From: CMO

Attention: "Ten Steps to Proper Foot Care", the next lecture in my monthly medical series, will take place in cargo bay #2 at 14:00 this Friday. Attendance is mandatory for all off duty personnel.

CMO

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.6

Time: 14:13

To: Janeway, K.

From: Wildman, S.

Hi Kathryn,

Are we still on to work on Naomi's birthday surprise doll house at 14:00 on Friday? She is spending the afternoon with Seven in Astrometrics then having dinner with her, so we can gets lots of work done and get everything hidden before she gets back.

Sam

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.6

Time: 14:22

To: Wildman, S.

From: Janeway, K.

Hi Sam,

Yes, I wouldn't miss it for the world! I will have to get Chakotay to switch shifts with me, but that shouldn't be a problem. Your hair looked great, what are you using on it?

Kath

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.6

Time: 14:29

To: Chakotay

From: Janeway

Sorry about the pudding, if I had known you were going to make it to lunch after all, I wouldn't have eaten yours too. Please let me make it up to you- dinner in my quarters at 20:00 tonight?

Can you trade shifts with me on Friday? I need to help Sam with the doll house she is making Naomi for her birthday.

PS- If we trade, it will get you out of the doctor's foot care lecture!!!

XOXO

Kathryn

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.6

Time: 14:44

To: Janeway, K.

From: Chakotay

I took it in the ass for you, then you ate my pudding and now you want me to trade shifts with you???

Yes, I'll be there for dinner and, no, you can't use any of my replicator rations to make it, you might actually have to cook. I'll let you know about trading shifts tonight- remember, you already owe me and I expect to be paid promptly ;-)

C

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.6

Time: 14:45

To: Janeway, Capt. K

From: Paris, Lt. Thomas E.

Captain Janeway:

I believe the punishment issued to me by Commander Chakotay was excessive considering it was only a prank directed at Ben Clemmons and I intended to delete the subroutine as soon as he left sickbay. It was unintentional that Tuvok also fell victim to a harmless practical joke and I have personally and sincerely apologized to him. Would you please consider speaking to Commander Chakotay and convincing him to lessen my punishment, thirty days is very severe considering that it was only done as a joke, only two people fell victim to it, and I have learned a valuable lesson about never making any unauthorized changes to the EMH's program again.

Thank you for your consideration,

Lt. Thomas E. Paris

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.6

Time: 15:09

To: Paris, Lt. Thomas

From: Janeway, Capt. K.

BCC: Chakotay, Cdr.

Mr. Paris:

I would be glad to speak to Commander Chakotay on your behalf about the severity of your disciplinary action. I am sure Cdr. Chakotay will fairly evaluate your complaint that the punishment he issued you is, in your opinion, unduly severe. You should be informed that there were in fact three victims to your "prank" and not just two. The third victim had merely gone to sick bay to pick up a bottle of vitamins for a friend and fell victim to your subroutine.

Captain K. Janeway

PS- By the way, the third victim was Commander Chakotay- good luck, Dr. Demento!

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.6

Time: 15:20

To: Janeway, K.

From: Chakotay

ROTFLMAO!

Did Seven happen to make a copy of Tom's subroutine before she deleted it? I might want to put it back next time he goes to sickbay.

See you tonight, wear something sexy!

C

PERSONAL LOG

Notes-

Assign two extra crewmen to Astrometrics to assist w/ upgrades next week, but Seven does not want Vorik. Find some way to get rid of the suggestion box, it is becoming a PIA & wastes my time. Pencil stolen again- talk to Vorik. Send memo to insure departmental daily reports are read and approved by department heads and forwarded to the bridge in a timely manner, would like them no later than 10:00. Have lunch or something w/ Harry one day next week, he thinks you're pissed at him! Ask Tuvok to run some Gamma shift battle drills, they are getting sloppy.

Dinner w/ Chakotay at 2000- pick up homemade casserole from Sam at 1945. Remember to find his damn pepper mill, maybe it fell behind bookshelf? Convince C to switch shifts Friday- wear little black dress-no bra-always works! Find way to get out of foot care lecture. Toilet still doesn't work right, get something better for this damn rash! Stop scratching!!!!

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.7

Time: 09:10

To: All Department Heads

From: Janeway, Capt. K.

All departmental daily reports are to reach the bridge no later than 10:00, so please make any necessary modifications within your departments so that you will have time to read and approve them and get them to the bridge prior to 10:00.

Thank you,

Capt. K. Janeway

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.7

Time: 09:17

To: Kathryn Janeway

From: Chakotay

Last night was incredible! Who knew you could cook like that and, as for dessert, well…………..you were delicious!!! Yes, I will switch shifts with you on Friday, but you will have to come up with some scam to excuse yourself from the doctor's lecture and I love you, but I will not call an "accidental" red alert again LOL! That rash looks nasty, you really should see the Doc, but if you want someone to rub ointment on it, you know who to call. Did I mention that I love you? You still owe me, but only for eating my pudding yesterday.

I have a meeting at lunch with Ayala, but maybe we can get together in the afternoon for coffee- my treat!

Your devoted slave,

Chakotay

PS- Did you ever find my pepper mill?

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.7

Time: 09:41

To: Wildman, S.

From: Janeway, K.

Sam-

Thank you again for making that casserole last night, it was wonderful, you are a life saver! I will bring your dish back on Friday- let me know if you need it sooner. I feel so guilty, he thinks I am learning how to cook for him. It suddenly occurs to me that, if we ever get back to the Alpha Quadrant, I might have to actually learn how to cook! OMG but I love that man, I think I would really learn how to cook for him- you will teach me, right?

Thanks for the hair conditioner as well, I will try it next time!

Kath

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.7

Time: 09:59

To: Chakotay

From: Janeway

Dearest Chakotay-

I thought last night was pretty incredible too, my but you have a lot of hidden talents, don't you? Thank you for switching shifts, I love you too! The next time there is real pudding, you can have mine, unless of course it's chocolate, then the deal's off- I don't love you that much.

Tom is really pissed at you and so is B'E, watch your back, remember the old Klingon proverb "revenge is a dish best served cold", she taught it to me you know! I found your socks, the pepper mill is still MIA, but I know I have it.

Love you,

K

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.7

Time: 15:12

To: Abromson, S.

Blutarsky, B.

Hernandez, P

Janeway, K

S'Tala-Lak

Watanabe, H

From: Commander Chakotay, Executive Officer

Re: Disciplinary Action

It has come to my attention that you failed to attend the CMO's mandatory monthly medical presentation at 14:00 today. As disciplinary action, you are hereby ordered to report to Ensign Vorik in Engineering at 06:00 tomorrow morning to perform routine cleaning on the exhaust manifolds. Attendance at the CMO's medical presentations is mandatory and unexcused absences will not be tolerated.

Commander Chakotay - Executive Officer

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.7

Time: 15:24

To: Commander Chakotay - Executive Officer

From: Janeway, K.

Re: Disciplinary Action

You are kidding, right?

K

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.7

Time: 15:29

To: Janeway, K.

From: Chakotay

I wish I were, but what do you expect me to do, the Doc had already logged it. The whole damn crew knows you blew off the foot lecture and how would it look if I let you (or you let yourself) off the hook? It won't be so bad and you will set a good example that rules are for everyone.

Quite honestly, I merely copied and pasted the names the Doc sent me to the disciplinary memo, I did not notice that yours was among them. If I had, I would have spoken to you about it first, I just assumed you came up with an excuse like you do every month. I'm so sorry, Kathryn! If it's any consolation, I will come and help you to scrub the grime off when you're done, I love you dirty or clean J

C

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.7

Time: 15:40

To: Chakotay

From: **CAPTAIN** Janeway

**YOU BASTARD!**

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.7

Time: 15:44

To: Janeway

From: Chakotay

Kathryn-

I thought we agreed that we would keep our personal and professional lives separate? Trust me, I took no delight in this, but I would be doing less than my job if I didn't treat you the same way as the others. You have always made it clear that you expect me to do my job and that, while you are the Captain, you are subject to the same rules and regulations as anyone else.

You have certainly come down hard on me at times and put me on report when I deserved it and I have never had a problem with that, it's your job. Of course, as Captain, you have the right to countermand my orders, so please do so if you feel that strongly, I will certainly not raise issue with it. Please don't let this come between us, I love you, Kathryn!

Chakotay

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.7

Time: 15:51

To: Chakotay

From: Janeway

GOTCHA!

Actually, I meant to add a smiley face after bastard, but I forgot- I was just kidding, honey! You are 100 right and this ship and Starfleet will never come between us. I will take my punishment like a good girl----and then you can come to my quarters and help me clean up and I will be a bad girl- consider that a threat…… or promise!

Those 4 pips are removable, you know!

Love you,

K

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.7

Time: 16:16

To: Janeway, Capt. K.

From: Chakotay, Cdr.

WHEW!!!!!!!!! You scared the shit out of me woman, don't ever do that again!

It just occurred to me I have to be on the bridge at 0800 tomorrow, so, depending on what time you get back from Engineering, I might not be able to spend much time with you. I can't be late for my duty shift, you know what a bitch the Captain is and she would put me on report and have me degaussing the hull with my toothbrush.

I spoke to Neelix for you and the ventilation problem in the kitchen has been cleared up and he is happy. I should warn you he has some ideas about more morale boosting activities that he wants to discuss with you- I suggest avoiding him.

Speaking of suggestions, the suggestion box pencil is missing again.

Do you want to have dinner in the mess hall tonight? I know you have a meeting w/ someone ???, when will you get done? I would offer to cook you dinner, but my pepper mill is still missing, so there is no way I can cook.

Hugs,

Chakotay

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.7

Time: 16:17

To: Tuvok, Lt. Cdr.

From: Janeway, Capt. K.

Tuvok-

I reviewed the stats from gamma shift and I did not like what I saw. I have spoken with Harry about it and I tend to agree it is not so much his performance as that of the crew.

Would you please formulate and run some battle drills for gamma shift next week designed to target the problem areas/personnel? There is no need to forward the drills to me for approval as I trust your expertise, but please inform me of the schedule. I realize you will be on beta shift most of next week and have 2 days off, so please feel free to schedule the drills so that they cause you a minimum of inconvenience. Harry is aware there will be drills, but he should not be given the schedule or specifics as I want to evaluate his performance as well.

Thank you,

K. Janeway

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.7

Time: 16:58

To: Chakotay, Cdr.

From: Janeway, K.

I SHOULD be able to get to the mess hall by 19:00, would that work for you? Unfortunately Neelix already roped me into listening to his ideas (where are the Borg when you really need them?) I will have to placate him by approving at least one of them- did I really spend all that time at Command School to make such decisions?

Tuvok is doing gamma shift battle drills next week, I'll forward the schedule to you when I have it- you don't have to participate unless you want to.

I didn't mean to be cruel, I would never play with you like that J J J! OK, I like to play with you, just not like that!

I swear I will find your pepper mill, you can go to my quarters and look for it yourself if you want, excuse the mess, seems I was rather busy last night keeping my First Officer happy.

No, do not be late for your shift tomorrow morning, that Captain is a real bitch and I would hate to think just what she would make you do to punish you. Maybe you should offer to give her some of your replicator rations for coffee and really flatter her and suck up to her, that might get her to like you better.

Kathryn

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.7

Time: 16:50

To: Janeway, Capt. K.

From: Chakotay, Cdr.

Dear Captain Janeway,

You look absolutely stunning today, is that a new hairdo? Have you lost weight? You've been working out, haven't you? It shows! Nobody looks as nice in a Starfleet uniform as you do. You are the loveliest and smartest woman on the ship, no doubt about that. How you manage to always look perfect and function at such peek brilliance and efficiency is just amazing!

Sincerely,

Commander Chakotay

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.7

Time: 16:59

To: Commander Chakotay

From: Captain Janeway

Dear Commander Chakotay,

Don't stop now, keep polishing my pips! Perhaps if you were to come into my ready room and get me a cup of coffee you could get some brownie points?

Sincerely,

Captain Janeway

PS- Did you look at the menu? Neelix is having "Talaxian Tetrazinni" tonight and that sounds an awful lot like leola roots to me. Do you want to skip the mess hall and just replicate something? I am running kind of low on replicator rations, but if we both pitched in we could come up with something better than leola roots I am sure.

K

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.7

Time: 17:12

To: Janeway

From: Chakotay

Ugh- I think you're right. Unfortunately I owed replicator rations to B'E and she cashed in, no doubt she is mad about the Tom thing and me ruining her social life for the next 30 days. So, my dear, I do not have any replicator rations at all now and can't even get you a cup of coffee. How many rations do you have left? I have a few things in my quarters, but not much, do you want to take pot luck or brave the mess hall? Are you ever coming out of there or do I have to come in and get you? It's lonely out here!

C

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.7

Time: 17:15

To: Janeway, Capt. K.

From: Vorik, Ens.

Captain Janeway:

Pursuant to our conversation this afternoon, I have replaced the pencil on the suggestion box using a length of neutronium cable. Additionally I placed a tracer chip in the pencil, so if it is stolen, I will be able to ascertain its location. I hope this modification meets with your approval.

Ensign Vorik, Engineering

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.7

Time: 17:32

To: Chakotay

From: Janeway

I am coming out of here as I have a meeting with Seven that started 2 minutes ago, so I am going to blow right past you. Let's just brave the mess hall, see you at 1900.

K

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.8

Time: 08:18

To: Chakotay

From: Janeway

Sorry I missed you this morning, but I just got back from Engineering- seems some prick put me on report. I have to admit it has been a long time since I cleaned an exhaust manifold, but it only took me about 6 seconds to remember how much I hate it. 2 hours of that dirt and heat has made my rash practically unbearable and I think I will finally give in and go to sickbay. I'm going to take a shower and see if I can get this filth off me, too bad I don't have anyone to scrub my back L.

Thank you for leaving a late breakfast for me, you are such a dear! I overslept and barely had time to make it to Engineering by 0600, let alone have any breakfast.

I'll be up to the bridge in an hour give or take, depends on how long I am in sickbay.

KJ

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.8

Time: 09:43

To: Chakotay

From: Janeway

I am going to work from my quarters today, the rash is really bad and what the Doc gave me isn't helping, I swear, it's worse and I feel queasy. Apparently I have a bad case of prickly heat that was exacerbated by the conditions in the exhaust manifolds. I think the Doc got his revenge for my missing his damned foot care lecture, he left me lying on the biobed with my butt in the breeze for nearly half an hour- thank heavens nobody came in. I am supposed to "let it air" and not sit on it, that should be interesting LOL! It is contagious, so if you are up there sitting in my chair, you might want to move.

BTW- If **ANYONE** gets word that the Captain has a rash on her ass you are dead meat.

Love,

Kathryn

PS- It's not really contagious, you can move back to my chair now.

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.8

Time: 10:36

To: Janeway, K.

From: Chakotay

Oh my poor baby! I did tell Tuvok that you would be working from quarters today, but all I told him was that you were not feeling well. I didn't know if you wanted him to know why, but you could certainly trust him to keep your secret, I figure you two are close enough you will tell him anyhow.

Are you SURE it's not contagious?

Everything is fine, you rest and don't worry, I'll take good care of your ship! I'll bring lunch to you and I can probably stay for awhile & eat w/ you as Tuvok will be up here programming his drills all day. I'm off at 1600, so I can spend the rest of the day with you, I think your ass is cute, so I won't mind looking at it if I have to! Yes, Kath, I love you, no ands, ifs or butts!

C

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.8

Time: 10:51

To: Chakotay

From: Janeway

Oh, that was soooooooo bad!

I am going insane, I am too tired to stand and, if I lie on my stomach, I start to fall asleep- I can't get anything done. The itching is horrible, of course the Doc told me not to scratch and I have put almost a whole tube of ointment on. Shit, there is someone at my door, let me get rid of them.

Oh god, it was Neelix to cheer me up (how did he know I was here?), but at least he brought me a whole pot of half decent coffee and some pastry-like things that aren't too bad-- I'll save you one. Maybe the coffee will help? You didn't tell Neelix, did you? I'm only wearing a big T shirt, it does cover up everything, but I was embarrassed for Neelix to see me like that, kept thinking he must know I'm not wearing any underwear LOL! He didn't stare, he was very sweet--- he is such a good friend, too bad he is such a lousy cook!

See you soon-

K

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.8

Time: 11:44

To: Janeway

From: Chakotay

No, I am sworn to secrecy, I would give up the command codes before telling anyone the Captain has a prickly posterior- I did not tell Neelix anything! He gets a copy of the Doc's sick call report so he can make arrangements to deliver meals- remember? You have coffee you didn't have to use your replicator rations for, count your blessings my dear!

I should be there shortly, I have to stop by environmental and then I'll go to the mess hall and bring you a tray- I bet Neelix has something special saved for you! Funny how, when you don't wear a bra, you always get exactly what you want. Yes, I am on to you! Did they teach you that at Command School?

Love,

Chakotay

PERSONAL LOG

Notes---

STOP SCRATCHING!

Call maintenance about toilet- do it now!

See if Tuvok will lend me any replicator rations

Find some large cotton underpants or something!

Find Chakotay's damn peppermill

Schedule senior staff meeting next week to discuss proposed duty roster shift for next month

Resolve issue between Engineering & Astrometrics re: borrowing personnel for upgrades.

Have someone empty suggestion box & bring them to me- find some way to beam the damn thing into space!!!

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.8

Time: 15:44

To: B Torres

From: K Janeway

B'Elanna,

I have put in a maintenance requisition for the repair of the toilet in my quarters. I realize you are busy down there, but is there any way someone can get up here and see to it right now? The Doctor has put me on an antibiotic and it does not agree with my gastrointestinal system, so you see my predicament! Thank you so much, I do appreciate this!

K. Janeway

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.8

Time: 15:47

To: Chakotay

From: Janeway

The antibiotic the Doctor gave me does not agree with me and has my GI tract running at warp speed and the toilet in my quarters doesn't work at all now and maintenance has not shown up yet- is there any way you can expedite them? I already sent B'E a personal message. Yeah, I know, the Captain's potty is not quite as important as the warp core, but I need the damn thing fixed and I am useless with plumbing.

For the time being I have relocated, so you have a roommate- hope you don't mind!

Love,

KJ

PS- Pls stop by supply and pick up some toilet paper, you are running low!

PPS- Yes, they teach you about bras at Command School, you must have been sick that day.

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.8

Time: 15:55

To: Janeway

From: Chakotay

I am on my way! B'E promised it would get fixed ASAP, she asked what was wrong with you and I told her I wasn't sure, but you ate the tetrazinni last night- I think she bought it and it wasn't exactly a lie, was it?

Chakotay

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.8

Time: 17:47

To: Janeway, K

From: Torres, B

Captain,

I personally repaired your toilet. I am sorry it took so long, but I really couldn't spare anyone as we are shorthanded down here due to the work going on in the shuttle bay and I didn't want to send anyone who might muck up the job.

In the future I would suggest that you refrain from disposing of feminine hygiene products in the toilet, I am sure that you are aware that Starfleet toilets were only designed to handle two things and tampons isn't one of them. I noticed that you do not have a trash receptacle in your bathroom, so I have placed one there for you, I SUGGEST you use it!

I hope you feel better soon!

B'Elanna

PS- I am not mad about Tom losing his privileges, what he did sucked and, quite frankly, he deserved it. If I had gone to sickbay that morning, he'd be dead now. Tell Chakotay he does not need to carry a phaser around on my account!

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.8

Time: 17:47

To: All Crew

From: EMH

Attention: Anyone who ate the "creamed pods a la Neelix" in the mess hall this evening should report to sick bay immediately.

Thank you,

EMH, Chief Medical Officer

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 5273.8

Time: 21:16

To: Chakotay

From: Janeway

It's time for my ointment again, can you please help me? Are there any more crackers?

K

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.8

Time: 21:19

To: Janeway

From: Chakotay

Kathryn- I am sitting at my desk on the other side of the room about 3 meters away from you, why don't you just ask me? No, you ate all the crackers.

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.8

Time: 21:21

To: Chakotay

From: Janeway

For the same reason that you didn't just ask me! KJ

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.8

Time: 21:22

To: Janeway

From: Chakotay

Two can play at this game!

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.8

Time: 21:23

To: Chakotay

From: Janeway

I'm not wearing a bra! J

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.8

Time: 21:24

To: Janeway

From: Chakotay

I know that …… and you may not be wearing that T shirt in about 30 seconds---something I learned at Maquis Command School!

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.9

Time: 01:12

To: Janeway, Capt. K

From: Kim, Ens. Harry

Captain:

Long range sensors have picked up a class M planet in the next sector that looks promising. Preliminary scans indicate it is uninhabited and has a temperate climate, so it may be a good source of food. We are not close enough for a mineral scan yet. We will reach the planet in about 3 days at present speed and it will not require much of a diversion. I will have an updated report of most recent data on your desk at 08:00.

I hope you are feeling better!

Ens. Harry Kim

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.9

Time: 08:17

To: Janeway, Capt. K.

From: Vorik, Ens.

Captain Janeway:

The pencil on the suggestion box was stolen again last night. I activated the tracer chip and tracked the pencil and found it in the pencil cup on the desk in your ready room. I would assume this is someone's idea of what constitutes a "practical joke". I have replaced the pencil, this time with a stronger reinforced neutronium cable.

Ensign Vorik, Engineering

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.9

Time: 08:34

To: EMH

From: Janeway, Capt. K.

Doctor:

I am absolutely miserable, isn't there anything more you can do for this rash? I know you told me to come back in 48 hours, but I don't think I can stand it that long. The antibiotics are causing me terrible GI problems, so bad I am afraid to even leave my quarters. All I can tolerate on my lower half is some large baggy cotton boxer shorts I borrowed, when I put on my uniform pants, it hurts, I just can't stand it. Please, isn't there something more you can do?

Thank you,

K. Janeway

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.9

Time: 08:39

To: Torres, B.

From: Janeway, K.

B'Elanna,

Thank you so much for fixing my loo, I really do appreciate it. I am sorry, I will try to remember what is and isn't supposed to go in there! As to your choice of a trash can, I laughed so hard I almost had to pee, what a clever reuse for the old suggestion box! Thanks again!

K. Janeway

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.9

Time: 08:42

To: Janeway, Captain K.

From: Neelix

Good morning, Captain!

I called you last night in your quarters, but I didn't get an answer, so I assume you were resting. I do hope you feel better! Commander Chakotay just left with a breakfast tray for you, I put an extra special treat on it! What I wanted to know is what you would like for lunch today? I notice you are on the sick call roll again, so I will personally bring you your lunch tray and cheer you up! There is more than what is on the menu, if you don't like the mock plomeek soup, you can have either leola root bisque or I can whip you up a nice bowl of Ocampan spore casing chili. We don't have any bread right now of course, but my leola root patties are just as good, so I can make you a peanut butter & oily berry jelly, replicated targh cheese or synthetic liver loaf sandwich- take your pick! For dessert, I have a very special surprise all saved for you and of course a pot of my delicious coffee! Just call me at your convenience and let me know what you want. I know I'll have you feeling better in no time!

Neelix J

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.9

Time: 09:00

To: Janeway, Capt. K.

From: EMH

Captain Janeway:

You are suffering from miliaria rubra, hardly a life threatening condition. In fact, if you were forty some years younger, I would have diagnosed it as diaper rash. I assure you if you follow my instructions and apply the ointment and take the medication as directed, the condition will be cleared up in 3 days. Do not stop taking the antibiotics, if you do the condition will last longer and probably worsen. I suggest you eat bland foods such as leola roots and replicated yogurt or oatmeal. I have approved you replicator rations for appropriate foods and I'm sure Mr. Neelix would be glad to supply you with leola roots. Additionally, I have given you a medical dress code modification so that you may wear a skirt or the shorts while on duty, it is important that you have good air circulation around the affected area. If you must sit in any of the pleather chairs, I suggest you sit on a fabric cushion to minimize sweating.

EMH

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.9

Time: 09:10

To: All Crew

From: Maintenance

Attention: All replicators will be offline for maintenance from 13:00 to approximately 16:00 hours today. We regret the inconvenience.

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.9

Time: 09:16

To: Chakotay

From: Janeway

Thanks (I think) for the breakfast, sorry you couldn't stay. I am going to stay here today, there is no way I can get dressed and I'm not about to come up to the bridge in your way too big boxer shorts LOL! I tried putting my uniform pants on over them, but it hurt like hell and looked like I was wearing a Depends, so there is no way I am leaving my quarters. The Doc suggested I wear a skirt or the shorts, like I am going to walk around like that and have everyone wondering why!

I'll go thru my reports and all, but the official word is I have the stomach flu, OK?

Good news- I got replicator rations from the Doc, bad news, they are only for the bland disgusting things I am supposed to be eating, which is basically repli-gruel and leola roots. Do you think you could sneak me some real food?

XOXO,

Kathryn

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.9

Time: 09:33

To: Janeway

From: Chakotay

You know I would be there with you if I could, but SOMEBODY has to run this ship!

As much as I love you, if the Doc wants you eating bland food I am not going to bring you anything you shouldn't eat, I want you to get well ASAP. I will stop by at lunch, but Neelix already said he was bringing you a tray. Either he or I will rub the ointment on your tush, take your pick my dear!

Sorry, I have to get down to the shuttle bay and see what they have messed up now, boy has that turned into the project from hell! I bet they get done just when we pull into the Alpha Quadrant.

I'll see you in a couple hours- you really do look cute in my shorts, you know!

Love,

C

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.9

Time: 10:27

To: Chakotay

From: Janeway

Thanks a lot! When I called Neelix about lunch he said the Doc had already called him and given him a list of "approved" foods. Coffee is not on the list, OMG what am I going to do? I do have the rest of my pot of coffee from breakfast and I am rationing it, but when it runs out, what am I going to do? Help me!

K

PS-The next time the exhaust manifolds need to be cleaned or something even worse needs to be done, I suggest we assign the Doc to do it, I want to get back at him, how dare he take my coffee away?

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.9

Time: 11:49

To: Janeway

From: Chakotay

Relax sweetie, it's only a couple of days! You'll be fine. I'll bring you some of my herbal tea, I do have some saved for emergencies and I think Kathryn Janeway w/o coffee qualifies as an emergency!

BTW, Seven did make a copy of Tom's little sub routine and gave it to me, she thought I might need it as "evidence" for disciplinary action. I suggest we put it in the ship's safe, you never know when we might need to really get back at someone!

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.9

Time: 14:03

To: All Crew

From: Neelix

This menu posted for dinner this evening on the weekly menu on the ship's BBS was incorrect. The correct menu is below, dinner will be served from 1700-1930 as usual.

Fresh lettuce and tomato salads from hydroponics (one to a customer!)

Leola root chowder

Sliced kheptar

Candied leola roots

Braised Ocampan style spore casings

Repli-patties in Talaxian oomix gravy

Leola roots au gratin

Repli-occoli

Vulcan style leola root torte

Oily berry pie

Thank you,

Neelix, Director of Culinary Magic

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.9

Time: 14:44

To: Chakotay

From: Janeway

OMG, did you see the new menu? There is salad tonight, real salad! PLEASE get me one, I will do anything ANYTHING for a real salad!!!

KJ

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.9

Time: 14:47

To: Janeway

From: Chakotay

ANYTHING????????

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.9

Time: 14:50

To: Chakotay

From: Janeway

ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kathryn

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.9

Time: 15:09

To: Janeway

From: Chakotay

Anything huh? I WILL hold you to that and, remember, you did not specify WHEN I had to bring you a salad, you just said you would do anything for a real salad.

I spoke to the Doc and he said "Are you kidding? Salad would run through her faster than a photon torpedo." so I guess the answer is no. I did talk to Neelix and he said he would leave enough lettuce unpicked and a tomato on the vine in hydroponics so that you can have a real fresh salad as soon as the Doc says you can.

I will bring it to you personally, but we'll have to wait until your rash clears up as well, because my "ANYTHING!!!" definitely requires that you be able to lie on your back comfortably for at least an hourJ

C

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.9

Time: 15:12

To: Chakotay

From: Janeway

Some friend you are!

Anything did not exactly mean everything you know!

KJ

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.9

Time: 15:14

To: Tuvok

From: Janeway

Tuvok,

As you know I am ill and I will not be able to make it to the mess hall this evening? I heard Neelix is serving real salads, is there any way you could please bring me one?

Thank you,

KJ

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.9

Time: 15:19

To: Janeway, Capt. K.

From: Tuvok, Lt. Cdr.

Captain Janeway,

I am sorry, but I cannot bring you a salad this evening. As I am sure you are aware, the doctor has restricted your diet due to your illness and you are not permitted to have a salad at the present time. Of course, I would be willing to bring you something else, as long as the doctor approves of it.

To save you time, I should inform you that Commander Chakotay has already taken the liberty of informing the crew that they are not to bring you any food unless the doctor approves of it personally. I believe the correct expression is: "he is on to you"?

I do hope that you feel better soon, your presence on the Bridge is missed.

Tuvok

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.9

Time: 15:27

To: Chakotay

From: Janeway

**YOU BASTARD!!!**

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.9

Time: 15:43

To: Janeway

From: Chakotay

J What, no smiley face?

Love,

Chakotay

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.9

Time: 15:47

To: Chakotay

From: Janeway

Definitely not!

L No coffee, no salad ….. and no nothing for you either!

I have a rash so bad my butt looks Vidiian and I can't even get you to sneak me some culinary contraband? Just toss me out an airlock, my dear!

KJ

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.9

Time: 16:47

To: Janeway

From: Chakotay

I will be there shortly with your dinner, thus saving you a cheery visit from Neelix- that should be worth something! There are several people on this ship I would like to throw out an airlock right now, but you are not one of them. I do have something special for you and the doctor approved of it!

If you feel well enough, maybe I'll even let you beat me at chess again!

C

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52273.9

Time: 22:17

To: Janeway

From: Chakotay

You fell asleep about an hour ago and I waited, but you stayed sound asleep so I tucked you in and left. I peeked at your rash (don't be mad at me, it was medicinal peeking!) and it does look better, I bet it is a lot better by morning. I will stop by early tomorrow morning, but I will just let myself in so that I don't wake you if you are still sleeping. Gee, it really would save a lot of time if we chopped a hole through the bulkhead and just connected our quarters, wouldn't it? You had a mountain of dirty laundry, so I took it and I'll do it for you and bring it back tomorrow, all nicely folded! Maybe that will make up for the dinner- don't blame me, Neelix and the Doctor came up with it! As soon as you are well enough, I will make you dinner, my famous spaghetti, and you can have that fresh salad for the first course and, as for dessert, we'll see if your word is good LOL! The word was ANYTHING, right?

Still friends?

Love you,

Chakotay

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52274.0

Time: 04:30

To: Chakotay

From: Janeway

I woke up to go to the bathroom (things are getting better!) and I decided to check my messages before I went back to bed. Sorry I fell asleep, I'm not very good company, am I ? I agree, I think the rash is getting better too, but consider yourself on report for unauthorized peeking at the Captain's posterior! Your dinner sounds wonderful, you do make the best spaghetti- are you sure you're not Italian? Thanks so much for doing my laundry, I kept looking at that pile and hoping it would go away; wishes do come true! I see you left me a clean big T shirt and shorts, thanks so much! Someone suggested we have "casual Fridays", maybe I shouldn't have tossed that one out so fast?

I'll see you later, thanks so much for the roses, I see you moved them to right beside the bed for me so they were there when I woke up, you're such a wonderful man!

As for chopping a hole through the bulkhead, as upset as Vorik is about the suggestion box pencil getting stolen, he would have a Vulcan cow if we did that!

Still friends? DEFINITELY!

Love,

KJ

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52274.0

Time: 08:22

To: Janeway, Capt. K.

From: Neelix

Good Morning Captain! The Doctor said you are getting better and could have some eggs for breakfast and some soup at lunch and dinner. How would you like your eggs fixed? I will also bring you some herbal tea and a big bowl of my delicious leola root porridge! What kind of soup do you want? I will start a pot right away! I also have some leola root chowder left over from last night. Don't worry, I have lettuce and a big fat Talaxian tomato all saved for you in hydroponics, you will get your fresh salad as soon as the Doc says you can have it. I'm so glad you are feeling better, we really have missed you!

Neelix

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52274.0

Time: 08:41

To: Neelix

From: Janeway

Good morning Neelix. Yes, I am feeling better, thank you. If the eggs are fresh, sunny side up with soft yolks would be just wonderful. If they are powdered, just do your best. I don't suppose you could whip up some lobster bisque, could you? If not, just some vegetable soup would be fine as long as it doesn't have any leola roots in it LOL! I don't suppose you could slip me some chocolate pudding, could you?

K. Janeway

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52274.0

Time: 08:44

To: Chakotay

From: Janeway

Hi sweetie,

The Doc just stopped by and says I am on the mend, I do feel better, but certainly not at 100 yet. He wants me to rest another day, probably a good idea although I am going stir crazy and want to get back to the bridge. I tried sitting in a chair and I can, but it gets uncomfortable pretty fast, I look kind of like Grandpa did when his hemorrhoids were acting up. I can have some real food today, Neelix is bringing me eggs and I can have soup for lunch & dinner. I asked for lobster bisque, but somehow I doubt I'll get that, but do scan any planets you see for crustaceans, OK? When we get back home you are taking me out and buying me the biggest real steamed lobster on earth, accompanied by a vat of drawn butter, fresh baked bread and a huge tossed salad! Since you are paying for this, I leave the choice of wine & dessert up to you.

I see you left my laundry on the sofa, so you must have stopped by before I was awake, sorry I missed you, but I think I slept last night to make up for the sleep I have been missing. Thanks again for doing my laundry! See you soon I hope!

K

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52274.0

Time: 08:48

To: Captain Janeway

From: Neelix

Commander Chakotay is on the way with a tray for you!!!

Yes, I did have some real Brakkan reptile eggs stashed away, but don't tell anyone. I didn't know what lobster is, so I looked it up. I know you humans eat some strange things, but, my goodness, don't tell me you really eat those things- ugliest creatures I have ever seen! It was a joke, right?

I should be able to do pretty well with some vegetable soup and I'm experimenting with a recipe for crackers made from leola root flour, I bet you love them! Sorry, Doc said no pudding L

Neelix

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52274.0

Time: 09:00

To: All Crew

From: B. Torres - Chief Engineer

The power will be shut down on deck 12 for approximately one hour starting at 13:00 this afternoon. We regret the inconvenience.

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52274.0

Time: 09:16

To: Janeway, Captain K.

From: Vorik, Ens.

Captain:

I regret to report that the suggestion box pencil was stolen again last night. The cable I had used to attach the pencil was of such strength that the perpetrator had to have used a cutting tool from Engineering as ordinary office supply type tools would not have been sufficient. This type of tool is normally accessible to any personnel, however I can set up a system whereby such tools have to be requisitioned if you feel it is necessary. I have replaced the pencil with a neutronium welded link chain which would be very difficult to cut with anything less than a plasma torch. I again found the missing pencil in the pencil cup on your desk.

I apologize for my inefficiency in this matter and I am resolved to find a solution that will keep the pencil in place. Since pencils are readily available to all personnel, I do not see the logic of anyone stealing one.

Do you wish me to refer this matter to Lt. Cdr. Tuvok so that he might set up surveillance in order to apprehend the perpetrator?

Ens. Vorik

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52274.0

Time: 10:12

To: Vorik, Ens.

From: Janeway, Capt. K.

Ensign Vorik,

I am sure you are doing your best to keep the pencil in place and I appreciate your diligent efforts. I do not feel it is necessary to trouble Mr. Tuvok with an investigation into the theft of a pencil nor do I feel we need to keep the tools in Engineering under lock and key.

I am certain your most recent modification will be sufficient, thank you again for your diligent efforts.

Captain K. Janeway

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52274.0

Time: 10:17

To: Chakotay

From: Janeway, Capt. K.

Vorik is at his wit's end on the damn suggestion box pencil, can you believe the poor man is so upset about a silly pencil? I laughed so hard at his suggestion that I have Tuvok set up a "sting" operation, I don't think I want to be the first Starfleet Captain to order their Chief of Security to launch a full scale investigation into a missing pencil LOL! If it happens again I'll just toss the damn suggestion box out an airlock anyhow, I thought it was a good idea, but quite frankly it's just a PIA!

Can you join me for lunch? I might just be able to manage to sit at the table long enough to eat like a civilized person! I'm going to go thru the daily reports now, you have been doing such a good job, it shouldn't take me that long.

Oh, I found your pepper mill! I have no idea how it got there, but it was under the cushion of the chair by my desk. I found my black lace bra there too, but I do have a pretty good idea of how that got there. Remember, if run out of bras I will get my way all the time LOL!

Love you,

KJ

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52274.0

Time: 10:47

To: Janeway

From: Chakotay

I stopped by the rec hall and took a look at Vorik's latest modification. Well, you could tow the ship with that chain, I don't see how anyone could lift it to use the pencil, talk about overkill! The poor man is just trying to do a good job. If the suggestion box is such a PIA, you really should get rid of it. Gee, maybe I'll write that down and put it in the box?

Yes, I should be there for lunch, I am not going to let this damn shuttle bay ruin my day, shit, Seven's pissing and moaning about how important the Astrometrics upgrade is and how we should reassign everyone to her already did that! Don't worry, I managed to placate her- I guess you haven't taught her yet about not wearing a bra to get her way with me???

As for your black bra, I certainly wouldn't know anything about that, Miss Janeway! If you can't keep track of your bras, that's your problem! I am only interested in keeping track of what's in your bra!

Love you too,

C

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52274.0

Time: 11:11

To: Chakotay.

From: Janeway

WELL!

If you want to continue keeping track of what's in my bra, I suggest you stop thinking about what's in Seven's whatever it is she wears under that suit LOL! I may not have as much going on as she does, but I have never heard any complaints from you. J Gee, if I got some implants and waved them in your face, I bet I could really get your attention LOL!

Did you look at Harry's report on that planet we are approaching? I'll discuss it w/ you at lunch, but it looks very promising to me and I think it's worth a look as we are running low on food. My only fear is that leola roots grow there!

K

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52274.0

Time: 11:48

To: Janeway

From: Chakotay

Kathryn, trust me, you all ready have my undivided attention! You do not need any implants, sweetheart, I love you just the way you are. There is only one woman I want to look at and hold for the rest of my life and that is Kathryn Janeway! I may not be the greatest guy in the galaxy, but one thing I can guarantee you is that I will always be there for you and be faithful to you- well, that's 2 things, isn't it? I love you!

I'm on my way to the mess hall to get your lunch, so I should be there shortly. I also have an updated report on that planet, we'll discuss it, but I agree with you.

XOXO,

C

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52274.0

Time: 14:18

To: Janeway, K.

From: Wildman, S.

Hi Kath,

How are you doing? I trust your first officer is taking good care of you!? I stopped by after lunch and you were napping, but Chakotay said you were doing a lot better and could probably get back to regular or at least light duty tomorrow. When I stopped by he was cleaning your quarters, how did you manage to find a man who can both cook and clean? I hope you know how lucky you are, Kathryn Janeway! If you don't marry that man soon, you should have your head examined! You babysat for Naomi so many times, please give me the chance to return the favor for you J !

I know, I know, all your excuses about Starfleet protocols, well nobody is going to expect them to apply all the way out here, my dear, and your biological clock is ticking! Trust me, that would be the biggest morale booster this ship could ever have!

BTW, your personal PADD was right out on the coffee table where he (or anyone else) could have gotten at it, considering what we discuss, maybe you should hide it- you wouldn't want him reading this would you???

Naomi really wants to have a visit with Aunt Kathryn, she is worried about you, so I hope it's OK if we stop by after dinner? I borrowed some size 8 uniform pants for you and I'll bring them, they should be roomy enough that you will be comfortable with your gigantic grandma cotton undies on under them. I still have my maternity tunics, feel free to borrow them to wear as a dress, but that might get a few tongues wagging!

I've got to run, hope to see you later on!

Sam

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 55274.0

Time: 15:30

To: Wildman, S.

From: Janeway, K.

Hi Sam,

Sure, stop by anytime tonight, I'll be here, I'm a captive audience right now LOL! I look forward to seeing Naomi, she's always such a delight! Thanks for getting the pants, they should do just fine and I can always put a pin in them if they are too large. I'm out of replicator rations, so I am reduced to borrowing, begging or stealing!

If this planet we're approaching pans out, I hope we can arrange shore leave and Naomi can have a chance to go down and play and I'm sure Neelix could use her help as he says she's a first rate berry picker- as long as they're not those horrid oily berries! Who ever said they are edible anyhow? I know, probably the same person who said leola roots and kheptar are edible.

Don't worry, I definitely know how lucky I am, Chakotay is a real treasure and I guess it was worth ending up in the Delta Quadrant to find him. I wouldn't worry about finding a wedding gift just yet, he hints around, but he has never asked, you know how men are! Besides, I have to find a way to break it to him that I can't really cook and basically have no domestic skills whatsoever! Mom tried to teach me, heaven knows, but cooking, cleaning and sewing were never anything that interested me! She said I'd be sorry one day, goes to prove the old saying is true: "Mom's always right"!

I don't think he would ever invade my privacy and read my PADD, but I have the thing so well encrypted that a team of experts at Starfleet could never hack in and read this stuff! Heaven knows what would happen if this fell into the wrong hands LOL!

Kath

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 55274.0

Time: 16:21

To: Neelix

From: Janeway, Capt. K.

Hello Neelix,

Thank you so much for the soup, it was delicious and not a leola root in it! Your leola crackers are a bit dry & gritty, you might want to keep working on that recipe!

I have forwarded you Mr. Kim's latest report on the uninhabited planet we are approaching and will forward all future reports. The planet looks very promising as a food source and Commander Chakotay is preparing a list of personnel to assist with harvesting food. If it pans out as expected, we will probably take the opportunity to stay in orbit for a few days and take the engines offline for much overdue maintenance and this should allow for shore leave rotations. It has been a long time since we have been able to take shore leave and I'm sure the crew will really enjoy it.

Thank you again for preparing the soup especially for me and assembling such lovely meal trays, I really do appreciate your thoughtfulness.

K. Janeway

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 55274.0

Time: 16:52

To: Janeway, Capt. K.

From: Neelix

Captain Janeway,

I am so glad you are feeling better!

I do agree, that planet looks very good and we certainly could use a supply of fresh food. I am all ready making plans for a banquet of special dishes to celebrate! Well, I hope that would meet with your approval of course. I'll speak with you when I bring your dinner tray by this evening, but I can't stay too long because Crewman Chell will be filling in for me in the mess hall while I'm gone and he always manages to eat more than he serves.

I took the liberty of taking an informal poll among the crew and the three proposed morale boosting activities that got the most votes are a Bolian Qa-Ta Bo Moons Festival party, casino night and the overwhelming favorite was a toga party. Perhaps we can discuss these as well?

I will see you promptly at 18:00!

Neelix

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52274.0

Time: 17:03

To: Chakotay

From: Janeway

How are things going? I haven't heard from you since this morning, so not well I assume?

Neelix, in his infinite efforts as morale officer, has come up with a list of 3 ideas: Bolian Qa-Ta Bo Moons Festival party, casino night and the infamous toga party (which he says was the crew's first choice). Well, what do you think? I have no idea what the Bolian thing is about and I am not so sure "legalizing" gambling for an evening (not that they don't do it anyhow) would be such a good idea, even if Tom's being on report would keep him out of it and it might actually be on the up and up. So, do you want to see the crew running around wrapped in their bed sheets???

Assuming that planet works out and we power down and stay in orbit for a few days and can take on food, it seems like that would be a good time for the party, whatever it is. We'll discuss it tonight.

Miss you!

K

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52274.0

Time: 17:18

To: Janeway

From: Chakotay

Hi, sweetie, I miss you too! Trust me, I'd rather be there with you than here. I'm leaving in a few minutes and I'll grab a shower and get to the mess hall and get your tray before Neelix gets a chance to bring it, you've probably all ready had enough cheer for one day. Let's see, you'll owe me for that and you still owe me for eating my pudding, don't you?

I'm off tomorrow, but of course just call if you need me. I plan to stay in my quarters and relax and work out a final schedule for the planet so that we can get the food gathered and stowed and everyone gets some shore leave and can attend the party. The crew really needs some down time and I'm going to do my best to see that everyone gets as much as possible.

I guess the toga party would be fine, I know one member of the crew I'd like to see in bed sheets, especially if they're mine!

See you soon,

C

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52274.0

Time: 23:56

To: Chakotay

From: Janeway

I see I fell asleep again, please believe me it wasn't your company! I guess my body needs the rest is all, but I do feel better and at least the itching is tolerable now and I am looking forward to getting back to the bridge tomorrow, although Doc says I can only have light duty. I'm going back to bed soon as I finish this.

So, a toga party it is? I hope I don't live to regret saying yes to that! I'll send out a memo in the morning announcing it and warning the crew not to hack up their sheets for the togas, last thing we need is to tax the replicators to make something that shouldn't have to be replaced and I doubt that planet grows bed sheets! Wrapping them should work fine, although I have to admit I've never tried to make a toga from a bed sheet or been to a toga party, have you? I know I'll live to regret this!

I bet you look cute in a sheet too, my dear!

KJ

PERSONAL LOG

Notes-

Send toga party memo

Figure out how to make one- do I really want to attend this thing?

Go to shuttle bay and see what's taking so long! Kick some ass!

Try to check in w/ all dept. heads

Stop by and thank Neelix

Stop by sickbay, pick up more ointment

Find Naomi, thank her for get well card

Wash Chakotay's shorts & shirts & return

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52274.1

Time: 08:08

To: All Crew

From: Janeway, Capt. K.

ANNOUNCEMENT

There will be a toga party in the main rec hall on stardate 52274.4 at 20:00. Mr. Neelix will be serving an assortment of snacks and Ensign Kim and his combo will be providing the music. Crewman Blutarsky is in charge of the decorations, so please see him if you would like to volunteer to decorate the rec hall, I am sure he could use your help. The toga party is a time honored tradition dating back to 20th century college students according to Mr. Blutarsky and he has posted information about this tradition in the rec hall for any of you unfamiliar with it.

Feel free to use your bed sheets to fashion your toga, there will be a 25 replicator rations prize for the best toga. Starfleet bed sheets may be used for togas, however they are NOT to be cut up or in any way damaged, they are Starfleet property and we can't afford to tax the replicators to replace them.

As we will be in orbit and powered down for Engineering maintenance during the party, most of you should be able to attend. If you do not wish to attend and would like to volunteer to work during the party so that others might attend, please contact Commander Chakotay. Lt. Torres will be posting a revised Engineering schedule shortly.

I hope you all enjoy a long overdue chance for some R&R!

Captain K. Janeway

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52274.1

Time: 08:29

To: Chakotay

From: Janeway

Hi there,

Well, so far so good, I have not had a chance to sit down and that suits me just fine LOL! I'm going to try to make the rounds and check in personally with the department heads before lunch. I know the menu looks pretty grim, but do you want to join me for lunch in the mess hall? I suppose I should put in an appearance and I need to thank Neelix for being so thoughtful to prepare trays for me (even if the food on them sucked). I checked in at sickbay first thing and the doc says I'm fine, I should just try to get a bit of rest and keep buttering my butt with that noxious ointment. Oh, will I be so glad when this is over!

Thanks again for doing such a good job while I was sick and putting up with me, you are amazing!

Love you,

K

PS- The flowers on my desk are lovely and I see you put a cushion in my chair too and cleaned up all the coffee cups- be careful or you will spoil me!

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52274.1

Time: 08:41

To: Janeway

From: Chakotay

Spoiling you is what I do best!

Yes, I'll see you for lunch, but I will have a hard time deciding between the "krispy Klingon kheptar nachos" or the "leola-ghetti"!

Hunt down Ayala, he has an idea he wants to discuss with you, I think it's a good one.

XOXO,

C

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52274.1

Time: 08:49

To: Chakotay

From: Janeway

The leola-ghetti definitely! The nachos no doubt have replicated targh cheese, isn't that what the Klingons use to seal hull breaches? Maybe Starfleet should look into that?

I already talked to Ayala, I agree.

K

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52274.1

Time: 09:33

To: Janeway, Capt. K.

From: Blutarsky, Crewman B.

Captain Janeway:

Thank you for approving the toga party, I am sure the crew will enjoy it! I have all ready had several volunteers to help with the decorations, I know it will be an unforgettable event! I would like to invite you to judge the best toga contest, would you be willing to do it? We plan to hold it at 21:00.

Thank you,

Crewman B. Blutarsky

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52274.1

Time: 10:25

To: Blutarsky, Crewman B.

From: Janeway, Capt. K.

Crewman Blutarsky:

It is quite an honor to be asked to judge the toga contest, however I do not have any expertise in this area, so I would suggest that you find someone else better qualified. Since you are Voyager's resident toga expert, perhaps you could do it yourself? I look forward to the event and I am sure the crew will appreciate all your hard work.

K. Janeway

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52274.1

Time: 14:48

To: Janeway

From: Chakotay

Oh jeez, I wish I had listened to you about the nachos! I know I will be paying the price all afternoon, I'd go to sick bay, but after my last visit, I'm afraid to. Please, please, please stop by and bring a phaser and put me out of my misery!

Want to work on your toga this evening? No fair worming your way out of this one, you have to make an appearance and you have to be wearing a toga- it is a toga party after all!

C

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52274.1

Time: 16:03

To: Janeway, Capt. K.

From: Tuvok, Lt. Cdr.

Captain:

We will be in orbit of the planet, currently designated D-8923/Alpha, at approximately 22:00 this evening, several hours earlier than expected. Do you wish to send down supply gathering teams as soon as we have made final detailed sensor scans or observe the original schedule? As you can imagine, Mr. Neelix is quite anxious about the possibility of starting sooner and has been calling the bridge repeatedly for an update. Since you said you planned to rest after lunch as the Doctor directed, I did not want to disturb you by calling.

In regards to the toga party, I have no desire to attend such a function and have contacted Commander Chakotay and volunteered to be on duty at that time. Since I assume Lt. Paris' disciplinary action precludes his attendance and he will be available to be on duty, that would allow all other senior officers to attend the party.

Tuvok

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52274.1

Time: 16:12

To: Tuvok

From: Janeway

Tuvok,

Yes, please go ahead and move up the schedule, I am sure the crew is just as anxious to get some fresh food as Neelix is to gather it! I will speak to Neelix about pestering you with repeated messages, there is no excuse for that. Unfortunately sometimes his enthusiasm gets the best of him!

Thank you for volunteering to take the bridge during the toga party- I think! I really wanted an excuse not to have to attend the thing, but I guess I will have to at least make an appearance.

I will stop by the bridge in about half an hour to check in.

K. Janeway

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52274.1

Time: 16:24

To: Chakotay

From: Janeway

I TOLD YOU SO!

Sorry, you will just have to phaser yourself, Starfleet told me to bring you back alive LOL. I do have some of that gross pink stuff the doc gave me for my nausea from the antibiotic, feel free to help yourself, it's on the shelf in my bathroom I think.

I had a nice nap and I really do feel like myself again. I don't know if you heard, we will be arriving early to the planet, 2200 according to Tuvok, so I moved up the landing parties to gather food.

I'm on my way to the bridge to check in and then to the shuttle bay to kick some butt. I plan to hit the mess hall pretty close to 1700- can you make it? As to the toga thing, I am not so sure I want to go that far, it seems rather undignified for the Captain, doesn't it?

KJ

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52274.1

Time: 16:36

To: Janeway

From: Chakotay

No way are you welching out on the toga thing, my dear! I am wearing one and so are you and you will look like a goddess in it! We'll work on it tonight, you'll see! I did some research, trust me, I know what I'm doing, have I ever made you unhappy with anything that involved bed sheets? J

No need for the pink stuff, those nachos and I parted ways about 2 minutes after I sent you that message and I feel fine now, in fact, I'm starving. I'll see you at 1700 and let's hope dinner will be better than lunch. We'll go to work on your toga right after dinner, I can't stay up late because I want to get up bright and early to scout out the planet for something!

C

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52274.1

Time: 22.04

To: Janeway

From: Chakotay

Aren't those mini cameras great? If you don't want to see this photo posted everywhere on the ship, you will do exactly as I say- more information to follow!

Love you,

C

(Picture of Janeway in her toga)

TOGA TOGA TOGA!

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52274.2

Time: 01:27

To: Janeway, Captain K.

From: Kim, Ensign H.

Captain:

The reports back from the first landing party are excellent, planet D-8293/Alpha is an excellent source of food. We have all ready begun transporting food back and storing it in the cargo bays. You will be delighted to know that, so far, leola roots have not been found to grow there. Mineral scans are less promising and it appears that there is little there of benefit to us, however B'Elanna will beam down to make certain. I will leave an updated report on your desk before I go off duty.

H. Kim

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52274.2

Time: 07:12

To: Chakotay

From: Janeway

YOU FUCKING BASTARD!!!

It's a good thing you're down on that planet and not on the ship right now, because I'd kill you!!! Just because Starfleet told me to bring you back alive does not mean I'll do it, won't be the first time I've disobeyed an order!

I'll get you back for this, you show that photo to anyone and you're dead meat, Chakotay, do you hear me?

KJ

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52274.2

Time: 08:14

To: Janeway, Captain K.

From: Vorik, Ens.

Captain:

I regret to report that the pencil on the suggestion box was once again stolen last night. The neutronium chain that I used to secure the pencil was cut and tricorder analysis shows that a plasma torch was used. All of the plasma torches are either in use in the shuttle bay or stowed in Engineering, there are none missing. Again I found the pencil in the pencil cup on your ready room desk, with a length of chain still attached. I do not understand how this could be happening, or why. I am not certain how to secure the pencil to the box to prevent future thefts, are you certain that you do not wish me to contact Lt. Cdr. Tuvok for his advice in this matter?

Ensign Vorik, Engineering

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52274.2

Time: 08:21

To: Vorik

From: Janeway

Ens. Vorik:

No, please just shove the damn suggestion box out the nearest airlock!

K. Janeway

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52274.2

Time: 08:28

To: Janeway, Capt, K.

From: Vorik, Ens.

Captain Janeway:

I am sure that you are aware that Starfleet regulations prohibit the disposal of refuse into space via the airlocks. Where exactly would you like me to shove the suggestion box?

Ens. Vorik

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52274.2

Time: 08:41

To: Vorik

From: Janeway

Vorik,

Forgive me, that was a figure of speech, I did not mean to actually throw the thing into space! I don't care what you do with it, just make sure that I never ever see it again.

For future reference, you might not want to ask a human where they want you to shove something as the answer might not be what you expect. I suggest you consult the linguistic data base for an explanation of "shove it".

Thank you for your diligence in the suggestion box matter, I am sure you did your best.

K. Janeway

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52274.2

Time: 10:22

To: Janeway

From: Chakotay

My dearest Kathryn,

I'm back and I left a little surprise for you in your ready room. The planet is lovely and I have picked out a special secluded spot by a beautiful lake for a picnic, it will remind you of where we used to picnic by the river on New Earth. I brought back some food and I am busy making you a fantastic picnic lunch. This lunch will also include that fresh lettuce and tomato salad that you couldn't have while you were sick. As I recall, you said you would do ANYTHING for that salad……and of course you want to keep that lovely photo of you between us, don't you? I also have a special dessert that involves chocolate and a question to ask you.

So, report to the transporter room at 12:00 and wear something sexy.

Love you,

Chakotay

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52274.2

Time: 10:38

To: Chakotay

From: Janeway

Thank you, the flowers are lovely, it must have taken you an hour to pick so many! I'm still pissed at you for sneaking a photo of me like that, what makes you think I would want to have lunch with you? What's the question?

KJ

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52274.2

000Time: 10:41

To: Janeway

From: Chakotay

Because you love me?

No wheedling, the question comes after dessert, my dear!

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52274.2

Time: 10:46

To: Chakotay

From: Janeway

You're impossible! I still have some work to do, I have a lot of memos to get done and a zillion reports to review, this morning has been one headache after another! Can you believe it, the pencil on the damn suggestion box was stolen again last night! Poor Vorik was as close to tears as a Vulcan gets, but I am so glad to be rid of the fucking thing, it was nothing but trouble.

OK, I'll go on a picnic with you, but I'll probably live to regret it. What's the damn question, why can't you just ask me now? Ohhhhhh, you drive me nuts sometimes!

KJ

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52274.2

Time: 10:50

To: Janeway

From: Chakotay

Me, impossible? It's you that's impossible, but you're cute, so I can live with it. Why don't you bring your PADD with you, but I can't guarantee that you'll want to work once you get down there, besides, I have plans for you!

You'll just have to wait for the question, I said NO WHEEDLING!

Look on the bright side, you hated that suggestion box and now you have plenty of pencils for your desk!

See you soon,

C

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52274.2

Time: 10:56

To: Chakotay

From: Janeway

How did you know where all the pencils ended up, I never told you?

K

USS VOYAGER NCC-74656

Stardate: 52274.2

Time: 10:59

To: Janeway

From: Chakotay

WHO DO YOU THINK HAS BEEN STEALING ALL THE PENCILS, MY DEAR?

THE END


End file.
